Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Surrender
Main jo zindagi ka malaal hun,
Main jo tishnagi ka sawaal hun,
Na palat mujhay tu yun dekh kar,
Main teray hi ishq ka jalaal hun,
Mujhay dast-e-shauq say tu chhu bhi lay,
Meri rooh main zara jhaank lay,
Na tu ja mujhay yun chor kar,
Main teri nazr ka hi kamaal hun,
Mujhay dekh tu zara ghaur say,
Zara yaad kar wo nafratain,
Jinhayn khandaron main badal diya,
Unhiin mehlon ka main saraab hun,
Meri bandagi ka sila tou day,
Meray marz ki dawaa tou kar,
Na yeh zindagi mujhay chahiyay,
Teray dil ka ab bhi qaraar hun,
Main jo aag hun, main jo aab hun,
Janay kis gunah ka sawaab hun,
Jo main ji gaya tou bhi tera hi,
Jo main khaak hun, teray naam hun
Main jo tishnagi ka sawaal hun,
Na palat mujhay tu yun dekh kar,
Main teray hi ishq ka jalaal hun,
Mujhay dast-e-shauq say tu chhu bhi lay,
Meri rooh main zara jhaank lay,
Na tu ja mujhay yun chor kar,
Main teri nazr ka hi kamaal hun,
Mujhay dekh tu zara ghaur say,
Zara yaad kar wo nafratain,
Jinhayn khandaron main badal diya,
Unhiin mehlon ka main saraab hun,
Meri bandagi ka sila tou day,
Meray marz ki dawaa tou kar,
Na yeh zindagi mujhay chahiyay,
Teray dil ka ab bhi qaraar hun,
Main jo aag hun, main jo aab hun,
Janay kis gunah ka sawaab hun,
Jo main ji gaya tou bhi tera hi,
Jo main khaak hun, teray naam hun
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Random
Na pucho haal mera gulshan-e-veeran main kaisa hai,
Jalaa kar raakh kar do meray iss jasd-e-khaki ko,
Alam deewangi ka lay kar chalnay nikla jo shahpar,
Nahi hai zauq ab ishq-o-junoon ka meray saaqi ko,
Karakti bijlion say kya ho gharz ab humain ay dost,
Na ashk-e-naa'tawaan larzay ga ab, na hogi beqarari ab,
Thi jannat iss zameen par jo ataa ki teray Rab nay yun,
Waheen hathon pay lahoo chhaya, hain ab sil chukay yeh lab,
Jo lagti chot dil par hai, tou hota dard tujh ko bhi,
Jo zakhm-e-bewafai ho, tou khoo'n mera bhi behta hai,
Bataa ay zalim-e-naadaan teray aa'inay main kyun,
Kahiin ehsaas-e-jurm ki tarha ik khauf rehta hai,
Jo hai tu, main hun wo aks teri zindagani ka,
Nahi kuch bhi tou farq hum main, hai ik hi jurm yaan sub ka,
Aa kholain aankh sach ki taraf hum, hai waqt kuch hi baqi,
Likhain maazi, wo wirsa jo mit gayaa kab ka,
Yeh dharti maangti hai sila kuch hi wafa ka bus,
Utha lay hath, Rab hum sub ko janta tou hai,
Karain tauba jo ab hum iss hayaat-e-haywaan say,
Nadaamat main giray ashk hon, wo manta tou hai
P.S: No idea what I wanted to write :D
P.P.S: I know it ain't very good :D
Reminisence
Carry on, just wait a while,
Hold on, just let it go,
Hold your breath, take a sigh,
Keep it in, just let it flow
Through happy smiles, let yourself mourn,
Through tears and moans, live up again,
Through joyous moments, let the darkness seep,
Through agony cold, obsession deep,
Under blazing shades, under chilling sun,
Your bleeding heart, a bond here torn,
Look up the black sky, horizon crimson red,
Here you shall be, now reborn
Hold on, just let it go,
Hold your breath, take a sigh,
Keep it in, just let it flow
Through happy smiles, let yourself mourn,
Through tears and moans, live up again,
Through joyous moments, let the darkness seep,
Through agony cold, obsession deep,
Under blazing shades, under chilling sun,
Your bleeding heart, a bond here torn,
Look up the black sky, horizon crimson red,
Here you shall be, now reborn
The Blessing of My Life
Sinking deep inside the shadows in my mind,
I call out again to you, the blessing thine,
Oh, mother, kind and benevolent so,
Your presence shall always make my eyes shine,
Do not leave me all alone on this path unknown,
May you dwell in my heart forever and more,
You feel I am strong enough to be on my own,
Forget not, I am still your child, not more,
My will shakes and my steps unsure,
I hope for the warmth of your guiding hand,
I ask not much but your merciful grace,
Without you, I shall be alone in this foreign land,
Kind you are, to let me be free, to learn to fly,
Maybe it is just me, not ready by now,
Each day I shall brave my way through the croud,
Each night, in a prayer for you, I shall bow
A blessing are you for me, my world,
Cool shade in the burning sun, bare feet I must go on,
Just remember this forever, words I have not enough,
Your son shall always call for you, forever, and ever, just for one
I call out again to you, the blessing thine,
Oh, mother, kind and benevolent so,
Your presence shall always make my eyes shine,
Do not leave me all alone on this path unknown,
May you dwell in my heart forever and more,
You feel I am strong enough to be on my own,
Forget not, I am still your child, not more,
My will shakes and my steps unsure,
I hope for the warmth of your guiding hand,
I ask not much but your merciful grace,
Without you, I shall be alone in this foreign land,
Kind you are, to let me be free, to learn to fly,
Maybe it is just me, not ready by now,
Each day I shall brave my way through the croud,
Each night, in a prayer for you, I shall bow
A blessing are you for me, my world,
Cool shade in the burning sun, bare feet I must go on,
Just remember this forever, words I have not enough,
Your son shall always call for you, forever, and ever, just for one
Disgrace
I take my fall, a plunge into the abyss,
Bless me with your light, let me live again,
Fallen is this angel, disgraced and forsaken,
Shallow heart has become my bane,
Beg I do, for forgiveness, oh Lord,
I could not understand, your grace exalted true,
Let redemption to my sin be my salvation,
Let your light pierce my soul through,
Lost I have this honor to ask of you,
My eyes shed tears of blood and soul,
I beg you, embrace me once again,
Leave me not, make me whole
Bless me with your light, let me live again,
Fallen is this angel, disgraced and forsaken,
Shallow heart has become my bane,
Beg I do, for forgiveness, oh Lord,
I could not understand, your grace exalted true,
Let redemption to my sin be my salvation,
Let your light pierce my soul through,
Lost I have this honor to ask of you,
My eyes shed tears of blood and soul,
I beg you, embrace me once again,
Leave me not, make me whole
Help, I'm Alive!
Help, I'm alive, can anybody hear me?
Help, I'm alive, come on now and set me free,
I been waiting here all along, love,
Help, I'm alive, in your arms I just want to be,
It's the fear in my heart that keeps pushing me,
To be everything, or nobody, I'm hangin' on, don't you see?
I'll turn the world upside down, if you're just here,
Paint a new earth with my weak hands, a dream I will always keep,
Let's erase the shadows and bring in some sun here,
Let's put some smiles on all the sad faces now,
Let's join hands and fly high above the sky,
'tis your subtle touch I need, to let me be,
Help, I'm alive, can anybody hear me?
Help, I'm alive, come on now and set me free,
I been waiting here all along, love,
Help, I'm alive, in your arms I just want to be,
There is no reason to live here without you,
I never knew this world could be so cruel,
But now I've got to open my eyes, so true,
Now I've got to live, breathe and see,
Help, I'm alive, can anybody hear me?
Help, I'm alive, hey there now, set me free,
I been waiting here for eternity, love,
Help, I'm alive, in your arms I just want to be
Help, I'm alive, come on now and set me free,
I been waiting here all along, love,
Help, I'm alive, in your arms I just want to be,
It's the fear in my heart that keeps pushing me,
To be everything, or nobody, I'm hangin' on, don't you see?
I'll turn the world upside down, if you're just here,
Paint a new earth with my weak hands, a dream I will always keep,
Let's erase the shadows and bring in some sun here,
Let's put some smiles on all the sad faces now,
Let's join hands and fly high above the sky,
'tis your subtle touch I need, to let me be,
Help, I'm alive, can anybody hear me?
Help, I'm alive, come on now and set me free,
I been waiting here all along, love,
Help, I'm alive, in your arms I just want to be,
There is no reason to live here without you,
I never knew this world could be so cruel,
But now I've got to open my eyes, so true,
Now I've got to live, breathe and see,
Help, I'm alive, can anybody hear me?
Help, I'm alive, hey there now, set me free,
I been waiting here for eternity, love,
Help, I'm alive, in your arms I just want to be
Reprise
Wo jo mo'tabar thay zamaan main yun,
Liay khwaabon main ik tishnagi,
Wohi aaj banda e naatawaan,
Wohi jo thay teri hi aabru,
Inhayn yaad kar, ay ma'ay jaawedaan,
Yeh wohi deewana e aashiqui,
Yeh wohi peer e kaamilaan,
Jo kabhi jahaan main thay surkhuru,
Jo thay khwaab apni hi jholi main,
Liay cheekh main teri khaamushi,
Banay saa'il phirtay hain chaar su,
Wohi jo thay teri hi aarzu,
Likha kartay muqaddar lakeeron main,
Labon pay uthaye teri fasurdagi,
Jalay aaj jaise parwana sa,
Wohi jo thay teri hi justuju
Liay khwaabon main ik tishnagi,
Wohi aaj banda e naatawaan,
Wohi jo thay teri hi aabru,
Inhayn yaad kar, ay ma'ay jaawedaan,
Yeh wohi deewana e aashiqui,
Yeh wohi peer e kaamilaan,
Jo kabhi jahaan main thay surkhuru,
Jo thay khwaab apni hi jholi main,
Liay cheekh main teri khaamushi,
Banay saa'il phirtay hain chaar su,
Wohi jo thay teri hi aarzu,
Likha kartay muqaddar lakeeron main,
Labon pay uthaye teri fasurdagi,
Jalay aaj jaise parwana sa,
Wohi jo thay teri hi justuju
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Silent Crusade
Wo jo khamushi say thehr gaye,
Wo jo aandhion say takar gaye,
Unhayn dhoon na, shab e bay nishaan,
Wo tou khaak main hi bikhar gaye,
Tujhay yaad kis ki hai iss qadar,
Woh tou pal tha jo bus guzar gaya,
Jisay na thi aadat iss qadar,
Wohi dil tha jo bus dharak gaya,
Hai yehi kahani, kooay chaar su,
Hai fasana pooray jahaan ka,
Jo na kabhi tha larza, mann e surkhuru,
Tujhay dekh kar hi behek gaya,
Liay haath main yeh jaan yun,
Chalay bandagi ki talash main,
Teray zouq say, teray shouq say,
Bana ishq hai mera rahnuma
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Silent Night
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I wrote this piece about six years ago, back when i was seventeen, so, don't expect it to even be good, cuz I'd say I was quite naive at that time. Still, it was nice yet again to find something from bygone days and to share it with others. Happy reading, hope you people like it :)
Moonlit sky, a slight breeze, stars looking down upon them, wondering what they were doing so late, up there, alone.
“Adi…?”
“Hmm…?”
“You know, come to think of it, I’ve finally started to enjoy staying up late with you.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yes… kind of.”
Mischief hidden in her mellow voice, fingers ruffling through his hair.
“You know Mary, try as you might, you will always remain a copycat.”
Pretence of mock, a slight giggle, and a warm, familiar tug on his hair in the calm of the night.
“What’s my being a copycat got to do with this romantic night? Oh you are so, so unromantic, duffer.”
“I told you before I love to stay up late and look at the stars. Now look what you are doing, you ruined my privacy, and do you really have to lie up here beside me like this?”
“Why? Do the stars say they are jealous of me now?”
“Jealous? Of you??? Oh seriously girl, who are you kidding?”
Another tug, her fingers trace the edge of his neck to his collarbone, sending a deep tremor through his frail, yet tough body.
“So you’re down to your dirty tricks are you?”
“Dirty tricks? What? What did I do?”
Fake innocence poured into the soft little whine, a tender brush of his palm on her rich lips.
“Eyyy Adi… Aise tou na karo na…”
Another tug, a slight gasp escaping her lips, words untold.
“Why? What happened? Can’t take the heat?”
“Oh shut up you, you’re such an egomaniac, you know”
“Oh, really?”
“Yeah, you can’t stand being teased, you’ve always got to square it somehow, don’t you?”
“Who said I was squaring it off? I’m just making way for a debt; you can tease me later.”
Calm happiness flowing through his throat in a low, soft gurgle of laughter.
“What… what do you actually have in mind mister?”
“What do you think you can handle young lady?”
Time seems to have stopped under the pregnant silence that follows; he can feel her getting tense beside him. Looking up at the sky, he can feel her breathing getting shallower.
“So, have you made up your mind yet? Or should I just go on till I can?”
He mocks her with pure wit in his tone.
“Adi… dekho koi aa jaye ga.”
A flick of her eyes towards the distant door to the terrace, shrouded in darkness, like the gate to a holy temple.
“So what? I’m lying on the terrace with you, looking up at the stars, what could someone possibly think we’re doing? Oh come on we’re so innocent, right?”
“Damn right you are, mister. I know how innocent you are and how far you can go. Dekho koi aa jaye ga aur phir agar kisi nay dekh liya na tou daant bhi paray gi. Ammi nay manaa bhi kiya tha keh raat ko zyada der na jaagna, par tumhain tou samajh nahi ati na, kar lo apni munn maani, dekh lena mujhay bhi marwaao gay apnay saath tum. Hud hoti hai bachpanay ki, ab tou baray ho jao.”
“You know Mary, I think I didn’t marry you, I have rather been adopted by you.”
Another soft hit on his chest, her gentle hands making it feel more like an affectionate caress.
“Tum kabhi nahi sudhro gay. Sharam tou nahi ati na, bahir aa kar late gaye ho, zyada masti charh rahi thi tou andar hi rehtay, bay-hoodgi dikhani hoti hai tou mujhay bahir kyun latay ho?”
“Iss liay k ghar k andar bhi tum meray liay wohi ho jo ghar k bahir ho…”
“And what would that be, mister you’re-the-one-for-me?”
“My so, so, so se…”
A hurried slap on his shoulder, the vivid blush on her cheeks clearly visible even in the faint glow of the night. A fake attempt of escape, made unsuccessful by the grip of his hand on her wrists.
“Sharam kar lo kuch, kisi nay sun liya tou?”
Nowhere to run, buries her face in his chest and giggles.
“Oh yeah, I forgot, kisi nay sun liya tou? Haye Allah main tou murr jaoon gi haye haye. Khud kya kar rahi ho ab? Ab koi dekh lay ga tou kuch nahi hoga?”
She squirms in amusement as he imitates the pitch of her voice and tickles her.
“Adi… choro badtameez pitwao gay mujhay ammi say, khud tou unn kay chaheetay laadlay ho, kyun mujhay ghar bhijwanay par tulay ho…”
She eases back onto her elbows on the mattress and watches in humorous amazement as he stands up and mimics an emotional hero out of a movie.
“Ey larki, meri ma ko yuun na bol warna main rona shuroo ho jaoon ga.”
“Oh come on now my little baby, don’t cry…”
Smile on her lips as she leans over and touches his hand.
“And what do you think babies generally do, my lady?”
Watching down on her, seeing her cheeks glow a bright red.
“Chup badtameez, sharam tou nahi ati na.”
Another gentle slap at the back of his hand.
“Ab tumharay sath sharmayen gay jaan-e-mann tou flirt hamsaai sai karayn gay kya?”
“Kar kay tou dekho, main tumhain batati hoon phir…”
Phony anger, just a hint of a giggle.
“Kya batati hoon? Kay babies kya kartay hain?”
His hands resting on her waist as he slightly bends over her.
“Bako mut… badtameez… jahil… jangli... duur hato, sharam nahi ati?”
“Why, what happened? USSSSSS wakt tou koi sharam nahi aa rahi thi tumhain.”
He watches in pure amusement as she squirms in front of him at those words.
“Do you really have to bring that up right now?”
He knows he is not far from making her tug at his hair again.
“Why? Would you prefer I don’t talk about it, just do it?”
A glimmer of bashfulness upon her smooth features.
“Mujhay uss wakt kuch samajh nahi aa raha tha, tum tou ho hi jangli, warna main do lagaa deti tumhain lug pataa jata.”
Another laugh emanating from his throat, and she pushes her face back into his chest.
“Haan haan ab tou sara ka sara ilzaam mujh par daal do, khud mari jaa rahi thi aur bol aise rahi hai jaise mujh par ehsaan kiya ho. Apna pataa nahi hota mujhay bolnay chaliin hain.”
“Acha choro na, kya lay kar beth gaye ho… talk about something else, just sit close and talk to me.”
A smile across his lips, complementing his broad face; the flow of his mane in the breeze like the flutter of a goddess’s cape, making him look unbelievably magnificent in the dim radiance.
“You know, before I met you, I seriously wasn’t interested in girls. Don’t know, it just wasn’t something appealing to my taste, whenever I heard guys talking about their girlfriends and stuff. Now I’m not being humble, but, well you could rather perceive me as a nerdy spoilsport.”
A chuckle at himself, upon the memories of the past, as in retrospect, he sees himself stuck to his books while others of his group went to hang out with the girls.
“God made you that way, for me, so that you don’t look at any girl before me, or after me.”
Proud she is, and he can feel it. But what fun, if ragging be taken out of it.
“Oh come on, now don’t give me that soul mates bullshit…”
“Why, don’t you believe in that?”
Surprised as she is, she can tell by the look in his eyes that he is enjoying every moment of teasing her.
“Well it looks really nice and romantic, but there is not enough time for coincidences in my life, thank you very much.”
“So, Mister Adi Agha, you mean to tell me that we getting married is not a coincidence?”
“I really don’t know what you’ve got in your mind Mary. Coincidence? How could it be coincidence that I am to marry you? Well tell me something, what happened last night, was that chance too…?”
Mischief upon mischief, God, I would give everything to be here forever.
“uhhh……”
“Yes…? Cat got your tongue missy?”
“Well no, that was not coincidence, that was just because you are jangli… badtameez bhookay nadeeday aur tum pagal ho. Tumhain apnay ooper thora bohut control hai bhi ya nahi? Ammi sai poochoon gi, kahan sai lai thiin tumhain, hoga koi Kenya ka jungle, khud lagtay bhi tou ho, Tarzan ki nasal kay. Badtameez ab tumharay samnay kya kar sakti hoon main, apnay aap ko dekho aur mujhay dekho, aik tou larki kay sath zabardasti kartay ho, ooper say poochtay ho kya coincidence tha? Sharam tou nahi ati na, ab daant kyun nikaal rahay ho bandaron ki tarhaa…”
Embarrassed by his wit, the jibe at the time still swirling in her mind, vivid like the bright colours of the day, she feels hot even in the cool night.
“Okay, okay I won’t tease you, well, not now at least. I was wondering what I should call you, I mean, like, a nickname or something.”
“You already call me Mary na?”
“No… not like that. Something… real nickname-type. Like… ehhhh…. Laddu perhaps.”
He enjoys every bit of it, the innocent joking, an unsaid wish, to live his whole life, right here, right now.
“Laddu…? Yuckieee, yeh bhi koi khanay ki cheez hoti hai, uff itna ganda hota hai, koi aur naam nahi hai kya?”
“Jee nahi, you have to be Laddu now… my Laddu… gol matol si…”
Another wave of the crimson tint on her visage, upon this modest gesture of the love they share. Silence, as few moments pass between them like the alluring caress of the night.
“Uhhh… acha… leave it na, you know, last evening I burned some rice in the kitchen by mistake…”
“Oh, such disgrace! Burn the house!”
“Ufff I’m not kidding, and then I singed one of your shirts too…”
“Shameful! Oh how will we live now!!”
“Tum aise nahi suno gay”
The sudden press of her softness against his lips, his tangible silence and the surprise in his eyes as she bends over him, reflect how unexpected he thought this to be…
“Ab mil gya na jo chahiyay hota hai tumhain jis k liay bhookay nadeeday banay rehtay ho, ab chup kar kay meri baat suno, ammi ko bhi nahi bataya maine, mujhay dar lag raha hai, woh dantain gi mujhay…Adi, kya karoon? Mujhay dar lag raha hai na… suntay kyun nahi ho, oye tumhain hua kya hai?”
She finally notices his eyes still wide open with shock, and a pleasant one at that. Eventually he looks up to her dreamily.
“Wah, bas aise hi karti raha karo, phir ammi sai keh doon ga tumhain bilkul bhi nahi dantain gi, Ey… Mary… zara aik dafa aur karna, I like surprises.”
A neat little slap on his head.
“Han han pata hai mujhay tumhain kitna pasand hai, surprises surprises, meri jaan kha lo surprises huh, tum bus aise hi baktay rehna, koi parwah nahi tumhain meri, bus apna tou pait bharta nahi hai… nadeeda na ho tou…”
“Haye jan-e-mann tum tou bas… dil tor diya haye haye…”
“Ab iss tarha lait kar haye haye na karo utho warna ammi marain gi aa kar samjhay”
“Guess I need to work on some more surprises… remember last one?”
His voice dripping from the blatant mischief that about to come.
“Which one?”
“Someone… sometime ago… chocolate… syrup… balloons… remember?”
A wink, and she blushes ear to ear. This time the slap is harder, followed by two punches on his back, full of humiliation.
“Tumhain pata hai na tum kitnay zaleel jahil aur ganwar, ghatya kism kay admi ho?”
“Jan-e-mann hum tou ap ki soch say bhi zyada kameenay hain abhi ap nay kuch dekha hi nahi hai, agay agay dekho hota hai kya.”
“Adi serious ho jao, dekho abhi agay itna kuch hai… abhi hamaray bachay hon gay, un ko parhana likhana hai, un ki tarbiyat, un ki job, shadi karni hai… itna kuch hai… I want you serious for this…”
“I know Mary… I am serious, I don’t let it show, it doesn’t mean I’m not serious… you don’t have to worry, I’ll take care of everything…”
The soft note of his deep voice, fringed with a little concern, showing every little bit of affection and consideration that he had for what he needed to do in the future. He had always kept his family in mind, had taught himself to see it as his own sole responsibility, and he was indeed very firm in his belief.
Gently surprised, she has not seen this side of him before. Superficially so naïve, so immature, he is indeed very thoughtful and very caring for her, and their future.
A hug, one to show gratitude, unlike a formal thank you, an intimate touch, a symbol of her need of him. He lays there on his back, staring at the stars, with a hand beneath his head like a pillow, and the other wrapped around her slim figure beside him, as she lays her head on his chest. Deep in his thoughts, he is unaware of her falling asleep, warmed by his presence, serene at being close to him. Playing with her beautiful hair spread on his chest like a crown of tribute to their love, he closes his eyes, for they will wake up only in the morning, when the sun beckons them towards another day in a life that is bound together more unyielding than any bond in the world.
The night is silent, but for them, it has written a tale that will stretch farther into the coming years, like a fairy tale that goes on, hung in the air like love from those who have passed on, present there to be sensed by those who know how to love…
Moonlit sky, a slight breeze, stars looking down upon them, wondering what they were doing so late, up there, alone.
“Adi…?”
“Hmm…?”
“You know, come to think of it, I’ve finally started to enjoy staying up late with you.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yes… kind of.”
Mischief hidden in her mellow voice, fingers ruffling through his hair.
“You know Mary, try as you might, you will always remain a copycat.”
Pretence of mock, a slight giggle, and a warm, familiar tug on his hair in the calm of the night.
“What’s my being a copycat got to do with this romantic night? Oh you are so, so unromantic, duffer.”
“I told you before I love to stay up late and look at the stars. Now look what you are doing, you ruined my privacy, and do you really have to lie up here beside me like this?”
“Why? Do the stars say they are jealous of me now?”
“Jealous? Of you??? Oh seriously girl, who are you kidding?”
Another tug, her fingers trace the edge of his neck to his collarbone, sending a deep tremor through his frail, yet tough body.
“So you’re down to your dirty tricks are you?”
“Dirty tricks? What? What did I do?”
Fake innocence poured into the soft little whine, a tender brush of his palm on her rich lips.
“Eyyy Adi… Aise tou na karo na…”
Another tug, a slight gasp escaping her lips, words untold.
“Why? What happened? Can’t take the heat?”
“Oh shut up you, you’re such an egomaniac, you know”
“Oh, really?”
“Yeah, you can’t stand being teased, you’ve always got to square it somehow, don’t you?”
“Who said I was squaring it off? I’m just making way for a debt; you can tease me later.”
Calm happiness flowing through his throat in a low, soft gurgle of laughter.
“What… what do you actually have in mind mister?”
“What do you think you can handle young lady?”
Time seems to have stopped under the pregnant silence that follows; he can feel her getting tense beside him. Looking up at the sky, he can feel her breathing getting shallower.
“So, have you made up your mind yet? Or should I just go on till I can?”
He mocks her with pure wit in his tone.
“Adi… dekho koi aa jaye ga.”
A flick of her eyes towards the distant door to the terrace, shrouded in darkness, like the gate to a holy temple.
“So what? I’m lying on the terrace with you, looking up at the stars, what could someone possibly think we’re doing? Oh come on we’re so innocent, right?”
“Damn right you are, mister. I know how innocent you are and how far you can go. Dekho koi aa jaye ga aur phir agar kisi nay dekh liya na tou daant bhi paray gi. Ammi nay manaa bhi kiya tha keh raat ko zyada der na jaagna, par tumhain tou samajh nahi ati na, kar lo apni munn maani, dekh lena mujhay bhi marwaao gay apnay saath tum. Hud hoti hai bachpanay ki, ab tou baray ho jao.”
“You know Mary, I think I didn’t marry you, I have rather been adopted by you.”
Another soft hit on his chest, her gentle hands making it feel more like an affectionate caress.
“Tum kabhi nahi sudhro gay. Sharam tou nahi ati na, bahir aa kar late gaye ho, zyada masti charh rahi thi tou andar hi rehtay, bay-hoodgi dikhani hoti hai tou mujhay bahir kyun latay ho?”
“Iss liay k ghar k andar bhi tum meray liay wohi ho jo ghar k bahir ho…”
“And what would that be, mister you’re-the-one-for-me?”
“My so, so, so se…”
A hurried slap on his shoulder, the vivid blush on her cheeks clearly visible even in the faint glow of the night. A fake attempt of escape, made unsuccessful by the grip of his hand on her wrists.
“Sharam kar lo kuch, kisi nay sun liya tou?”
Nowhere to run, buries her face in his chest and giggles.
“Oh yeah, I forgot, kisi nay sun liya tou? Haye Allah main tou murr jaoon gi haye haye. Khud kya kar rahi ho ab? Ab koi dekh lay ga tou kuch nahi hoga?”
She squirms in amusement as he imitates the pitch of her voice and tickles her.
“Adi… choro badtameez pitwao gay mujhay ammi say, khud tou unn kay chaheetay laadlay ho, kyun mujhay ghar bhijwanay par tulay ho…”
She eases back onto her elbows on the mattress and watches in humorous amazement as he stands up and mimics an emotional hero out of a movie.
“Ey larki, meri ma ko yuun na bol warna main rona shuroo ho jaoon ga.”
“Oh come on now my little baby, don’t cry…”
Smile on her lips as she leans over and touches his hand.
“And what do you think babies generally do, my lady?”
Watching down on her, seeing her cheeks glow a bright red.
“Chup badtameez, sharam tou nahi ati na.”
Another gentle slap at the back of his hand.
“Ab tumharay sath sharmayen gay jaan-e-mann tou flirt hamsaai sai karayn gay kya?”
“Kar kay tou dekho, main tumhain batati hoon phir…”
Phony anger, just a hint of a giggle.
“Kya batati hoon? Kay babies kya kartay hain?”
His hands resting on her waist as he slightly bends over her.
“Bako mut… badtameez… jahil… jangli... duur hato, sharam nahi ati?”
“Why, what happened? USSSSSS wakt tou koi sharam nahi aa rahi thi tumhain.”
He watches in pure amusement as she squirms in front of him at those words.
“Do you really have to bring that up right now?”
He knows he is not far from making her tug at his hair again.
“Why? Would you prefer I don’t talk about it, just do it?”
A glimmer of bashfulness upon her smooth features.
“Mujhay uss wakt kuch samajh nahi aa raha tha, tum tou ho hi jangli, warna main do lagaa deti tumhain lug pataa jata.”
Another laugh emanating from his throat, and she pushes her face back into his chest.
“Haan haan ab tou sara ka sara ilzaam mujh par daal do, khud mari jaa rahi thi aur bol aise rahi hai jaise mujh par ehsaan kiya ho. Apna pataa nahi hota mujhay bolnay chaliin hain.”
“Acha choro na, kya lay kar beth gaye ho… talk about something else, just sit close and talk to me.”
A smile across his lips, complementing his broad face; the flow of his mane in the breeze like the flutter of a goddess’s cape, making him look unbelievably magnificent in the dim radiance.
“You know, before I met you, I seriously wasn’t interested in girls. Don’t know, it just wasn’t something appealing to my taste, whenever I heard guys talking about their girlfriends and stuff. Now I’m not being humble, but, well you could rather perceive me as a nerdy spoilsport.”
A chuckle at himself, upon the memories of the past, as in retrospect, he sees himself stuck to his books while others of his group went to hang out with the girls.
“God made you that way, for me, so that you don’t look at any girl before me, or after me.”
Proud she is, and he can feel it. But what fun, if ragging be taken out of it.
“Oh come on, now don’t give me that soul mates bullshit…”
“Why, don’t you believe in that?”
Surprised as she is, she can tell by the look in his eyes that he is enjoying every moment of teasing her.
“Well it looks really nice and romantic, but there is not enough time for coincidences in my life, thank you very much.”
“So, Mister Adi Agha, you mean to tell me that we getting married is not a coincidence?”
“I really don’t know what you’ve got in your mind Mary. Coincidence? How could it be coincidence that I am to marry you? Well tell me something, what happened last night, was that chance too…?”
Mischief upon mischief, God, I would give everything to be here forever.
“uhhh……”
“Yes…? Cat got your tongue missy?”
“Well no, that was not coincidence, that was just because you are jangli… badtameez bhookay nadeeday aur tum pagal ho. Tumhain apnay ooper thora bohut control hai bhi ya nahi? Ammi sai poochoon gi, kahan sai lai thiin tumhain, hoga koi Kenya ka jungle, khud lagtay bhi tou ho, Tarzan ki nasal kay. Badtameez ab tumharay samnay kya kar sakti hoon main, apnay aap ko dekho aur mujhay dekho, aik tou larki kay sath zabardasti kartay ho, ooper say poochtay ho kya coincidence tha? Sharam tou nahi ati na, ab daant kyun nikaal rahay ho bandaron ki tarhaa…”
Embarrassed by his wit, the jibe at the time still swirling in her mind, vivid like the bright colours of the day, she feels hot even in the cool night.
“Okay, okay I won’t tease you, well, not now at least. I was wondering what I should call you, I mean, like, a nickname or something.”
“You already call me Mary na?”
“No… not like that. Something… real nickname-type. Like… ehhhh…. Laddu perhaps.”
He enjoys every bit of it, the innocent joking, an unsaid wish, to live his whole life, right here, right now.
“Laddu…? Yuckieee, yeh bhi koi khanay ki cheez hoti hai, uff itna ganda hota hai, koi aur naam nahi hai kya?”
“Jee nahi, you have to be Laddu now… my Laddu… gol matol si…”
Another wave of the crimson tint on her visage, upon this modest gesture of the love they share. Silence, as few moments pass between them like the alluring caress of the night.
“Uhhh… acha… leave it na, you know, last evening I burned some rice in the kitchen by mistake…”
“Oh, such disgrace! Burn the house!”
“Ufff I’m not kidding, and then I singed one of your shirts too…”
“Shameful! Oh how will we live now!!”
“Tum aise nahi suno gay”
The sudden press of her softness against his lips, his tangible silence and the surprise in his eyes as she bends over him, reflect how unexpected he thought this to be…
“Ab mil gya na jo chahiyay hota hai tumhain jis k liay bhookay nadeeday banay rehtay ho, ab chup kar kay meri baat suno, ammi ko bhi nahi bataya maine, mujhay dar lag raha hai, woh dantain gi mujhay…Adi, kya karoon? Mujhay dar lag raha hai na… suntay kyun nahi ho, oye tumhain hua kya hai?”
She finally notices his eyes still wide open with shock, and a pleasant one at that. Eventually he looks up to her dreamily.
“Wah, bas aise hi karti raha karo, phir ammi sai keh doon ga tumhain bilkul bhi nahi dantain gi, Ey… Mary… zara aik dafa aur karna, I like surprises.”
A neat little slap on his head.
“Han han pata hai mujhay tumhain kitna pasand hai, surprises surprises, meri jaan kha lo surprises huh, tum bus aise hi baktay rehna, koi parwah nahi tumhain meri, bus apna tou pait bharta nahi hai… nadeeda na ho tou…”
“Haye jan-e-mann tum tou bas… dil tor diya haye haye…”
“Ab iss tarha lait kar haye haye na karo utho warna ammi marain gi aa kar samjhay”
“Guess I need to work on some more surprises… remember last one?”
His voice dripping from the blatant mischief that about to come.
“Which one?”
“Someone… sometime ago… chocolate… syrup… balloons… remember?”
A wink, and she blushes ear to ear. This time the slap is harder, followed by two punches on his back, full of humiliation.
“Tumhain pata hai na tum kitnay zaleel jahil aur ganwar, ghatya kism kay admi ho?”
“Jan-e-mann hum tou ap ki soch say bhi zyada kameenay hain abhi ap nay kuch dekha hi nahi hai, agay agay dekho hota hai kya.”
“Adi serious ho jao, dekho abhi agay itna kuch hai… abhi hamaray bachay hon gay, un ko parhana likhana hai, un ki tarbiyat, un ki job, shadi karni hai… itna kuch hai… I want you serious for this…”
“I know Mary… I am serious, I don’t let it show, it doesn’t mean I’m not serious… you don’t have to worry, I’ll take care of everything…”
The soft note of his deep voice, fringed with a little concern, showing every little bit of affection and consideration that he had for what he needed to do in the future. He had always kept his family in mind, had taught himself to see it as his own sole responsibility, and he was indeed very firm in his belief.
Gently surprised, she has not seen this side of him before. Superficially so naïve, so immature, he is indeed very thoughtful and very caring for her, and their future.
A hug, one to show gratitude, unlike a formal thank you, an intimate touch, a symbol of her need of him. He lays there on his back, staring at the stars, with a hand beneath his head like a pillow, and the other wrapped around her slim figure beside him, as she lays her head on his chest. Deep in his thoughts, he is unaware of her falling asleep, warmed by his presence, serene at being close to him. Playing with her beautiful hair spread on his chest like a crown of tribute to their love, he closes his eyes, for they will wake up only in the morning, when the sun beckons them towards another day in a life that is bound together more unyielding than any bond in the world.
The night is silent, but for them, it has written a tale that will stretch farther into the coming years, like a fairy tale that goes on, hung in the air like love from those who have passed on, present there to be sensed by those who know how to love…
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Untitled, as yet (a little addition)
It is time, and yet the thought of telling myself to keep moving seems redundant, worn out. Still, it has to be so, and so it is. I take off the winding path and into the grove of trees opposite the last of the tents, slowly lowering my head under the overhanging branches, weaving my way through the overgrown shrubs and wild grass. The smell of wildly breeding motia and tulsi overwhelms my senses, telling me that I have arrived in my sanctum at last. Through the walls of this dense shrubbery I make my way to the small clearing in the centre, covered from all sides, a world in its own. Even the sounds from outside find it difficult to pierce through the trees, those who stand like my guardians, forever silent, forever firm. Even the wind is not allowed to stir here, it is my heaven, I lie on its bosom, and the calm is its magic.
But someone has once been here, as I see, perhaps a very long time ago, and that too, not frequently. Perhaps just once, for I see a slashed tree trunk around the middle of the clearing, a lone martyr. Whatever it may be, this willing victim does offer me a place to sit, to rest my soul when it need be, and for this kindness I am grateful to a deaf giver. I look up above, to the bright blue sky, like a portal opened up through the wall of my defenses, yet it does not alarm me. None have come to pass through, and neither do I expect any change.
I spend half of my day in this temple, worshiping that which may only be described as silence and peace, and I preach to those who cannot listen, nor feel my agony. Then again, yes, why and how should I expect these plants to understand me, when those of my kind cannot sense anything at all, any of that which is true, from my eyes, from my face? I shrug the thought from my mind, and return to the ritual of caressing the trees, putting my ears to their trunks, feeling their coarse bark on my hands and my cheeks, letting myself fall in their open arms. I watch the sun set, the birds fly above me. I am free, I am liberated, I lie bare, an open book, for here, I am what I am, however feeble and pathetic that may be. And then comes the time when I must return, to be tended to, for a woman must live, if she despises suicide, and a woman like me lives with the forced aid of medicines. How many rivers must a woman walk, to be understood, to be felt, to be cherished? Now is the time to return to my house, to take my daily medicines, and to feign myself still in my place of pilgrimage, my Mecca.
But someone has once been here, as I see, perhaps a very long time ago, and that too, not frequently. Perhaps just once, for I see a slashed tree trunk around the middle of the clearing, a lone martyr. Whatever it may be, this willing victim does offer me a place to sit, to rest my soul when it need be, and for this kindness I am grateful to a deaf giver. I look up above, to the bright blue sky, like a portal opened up through the wall of my defenses, yet it does not alarm me. None have come to pass through, and neither do I expect any change.
I spend half of my day in this temple, worshiping that which may only be described as silence and peace, and I preach to those who cannot listen, nor feel my agony. Then again, yes, why and how should I expect these plants to understand me, when those of my kind cannot sense anything at all, any of that which is true, from my eyes, from my face? I shrug the thought from my mind, and return to the ritual of caressing the trees, putting my ears to their trunks, feeling their coarse bark on my hands and my cheeks, letting myself fall in their open arms. I watch the sun set, the birds fly above me. I am free, I am liberated, I lie bare, an open book, for here, I am what I am, however feeble and pathetic that may be. And then comes the time when I must return, to be tended to, for a woman must live, if she despises suicide, and a woman like me lives with the forced aid of medicines. How many rivers must a woman walk, to be understood, to be felt, to be cherished? Now is the time to return to my house, to take my daily medicines, and to feign myself still in my place of pilgrimage, my Mecca.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Untitled, as yet
Note: This is just a start for a story, more is yet to come, this piece is posted early upon request from a reader, please do judge and comment upon it. :)
P.S: written in a hurry, hope it's not too bad
Sitting in the desolate corner of my luxurious room, I take a short, uninterested glimpse at the trinkets that surround me. Things which would have amazed others for hours on end, seem of no importance or significance to me. Life has taken its toll upon my being, webs of wrinkles surround my once smooth face, the glow of happiness decayed into pallor of stagnancy. It seems as if there is nothing more to life other than objective existence, survival, which has lately become my sole explanation for living. Perhaps it is just an instinct, that with which everyone is born; it is intrinsic and there is nothing that can be done about it. I despise suicide, else I would have done it as many times as would be needed to erase my marks from this world, yet I feel it is a coward’s getaway, and fate say, so be it.
Jeweled furniture, expensive wardrobe, yet what all this be worth to me, when at this age I be forsaken by all who live upon someone else’s payroll? I get up feebly, as swift as my strength may endure, and take my leave, towards the only refuge that I have now. Solitude, as I understand now, is a friend who can console you in the worst of times with the best of patience, and so I drag myself out, through the lawn pruned with finesse, out the gate of my prestigious bungalow, and onto the road. My house sits at the outskirts of Delhi, a perfect place for one to spend the last few years of her life, away from the nauseating speed of time in the city.
My feet crunch slowly on the gravel as I limp towards the nearby grove of bargad trees, my gait no longer graceful, my steps no longer quiet. And as always, halfway through, I glance back, yet again, to look at the faint marks of my passing in the dirt, already fading away under the dust blowing around with the wind. I stare at it intently for a while, I laugh at myself, and I think, what are ye, O futile creature, exist, yet be, scattered musings of thine own, and here I be, only a rich forsaken woman, treasuring that which I can think, for the feel has already gone away, o’er the wind, perhaps to a land not known to man himself.
And yet it is time to turn and trudge onwards upon my path; I slowly make my way through the little boys sitting upon the roadside playing marbles in the mud and betting their tops on it. It somehow amuses me to see how these little innocent children risk almost all they own to have a little more, another wooden top, or a chakrum or, perhaps if they are lucky, a machhar, the thin, swift kite which dives elegantly through high winds. I move unhurriedly through the little patch of road which leads me to my refuge, silently nod at the women in sarhis, cradling there babies in their arms, as I walk by their jhuggis beside the road. I look at the bent structures of their tents, with no apparent luxury but one that I yearn for, laughter, that which echoes out into the light of the day, bright, and sunny. They revere me as an elder, and as a woman of status, when ironically I ache to be young again and live life of a simple girl. What I need is what they have, and what they need is what I have become, yet this dilemma of not being able to live with or without it, is what we so happily call life. I have everything that can dazzle my eyes, and yet, nothing that can warm my heart.
The men sweat and drag themselves in the city for the whole day, for life has to go on. If there is nothing nearby for one to live upon, he must reach out to provide for his family, and yet, thinking this thought, I feel hollow. Where is my family? Who do I live for? Questions that have pinched at my heart every single day, for the last fifteen years, since my mother died soon after my father. I was the only child in the family, and somehow, we never seemed to have any relatives. And perhaps stranger still, I never felt the need or want to get married; perhaps it was just meant to be so. I feel grateful for fate, another escape from the realities of my life; whatever didn’t fit, fate was to blame for it.
And so, here I am, a shabby, yet decorated figure, treading upon the dust that has been here for centuries, seen many like me come and go, waiting for me to fall apart into it, and be a part of it, like history, which is always there, a watchful eye, the keeper of time.
P.S: written in a hurry, hope it's not too bad
Sitting in the desolate corner of my luxurious room, I take a short, uninterested glimpse at the trinkets that surround me. Things which would have amazed others for hours on end, seem of no importance or significance to me. Life has taken its toll upon my being, webs of wrinkles surround my once smooth face, the glow of happiness decayed into pallor of stagnancy. It seems as if there is nothing more to life other than objective existence, survival, which has lately become my sole explanation for living. Perhaps it is just an instinct, that with which everyone is born; it is intrinsic and there is nothing that can be done about it. I despise suicide, else I would have done it as many times as would be needed to erase my marks from this world, yet I feel it is a coward’s getaway, and fate say, so be it.
Jeweled furniture, expensive wardrobe, yet what all this be worth to me, when at this age I be forsaken by all who live upon someone else’s payroll? I get up feebly, as swift as my strength may endure, and take my leave, towards the only refuge that I have now. Solitude, as I understand now, is a friend who can console you in the worst of times with the best of patience, and so I drag myself out, through the lawn pruned with finesse, out the gate of my prestigious bungalow, and onto the road. My house sits at the outskirts of Delhi, a perfect place for one to spend the last few years of her life, away from the nauseating speed of time in the city.
My feet crunch slowly on the gravel as I limp towards the nearby grove of bargad trees, my gait no longer graceful, my steps no longer quiet. And as always, halfway through, I glance back, yet again, to look at the faint marks of my passing in the dirt, already fading away under the dust blowing around with the wind. I stare at it intently for a while, I laugh at myself, and I think, what are ye, O futile creature, exist, yet be, scattered musings of thine own, and here I be, only a rich forsaken woman, treasuring that which I can think, for the feel has already gone away, o’er the wind, perhaps to a land not known to man himself.
And yet it is time to turn and trudge onwards upon my path; I slowly make my way through the little boys sitting upon the roadside playing marbles in the mud and betting their tops on it. It somehow amuses me to see how these little innocent children risk almost all they own to have a little more, another wooden top, or a chakrum or, perhaps if they are lucky, a machhar, the thin, swift kite which dives elegantly through high winds. I move unhurriedly through the little patch of road which leads me to my refuge, silently nod at the women in sarhis, cradling there babies in their arms, as I walk by their jhuggis beside the road. I look at the bent structures of their tents, with no apparent luxury but one that I yearn for, laughter, that which echoes out into the light of the day, bright, and sunny. They revere me as an elder, and as a woman of status, when ironically I ache to be young again and live life of a simple girl. What I need is what they have, and what they need is what I have become, yet this dilemma of not being able to live with or without it, is what we so happily call life. I have everything that can dazzle my eyes, and yet, nothing that can warm my heart.
The men sweat and drag themselves in the city for the whole day, for life has to go on. If there is nothing nearby for one to live upon, he must reach out to provide for his family, and yet, thinking this thought, I feel hollow. Where is my family? Who do I live for? Questions that have pinched at my heart every single day, for the last fifteen years, since my mother died soon after my father. I was the only child in the family, and somehow, we never seemed to have any relatives. And perhaps stranger still, I never felt the need or want to get married; perhaps it was just meant to be so. I feel grateful for fate, another escape from the realities of my life; whatever didn’t fit, fate was to blame for it.
And so, here I am, a shabby, yet decorated figure, treading upon the dust that has been here for centuries, seen many like me come and go, waiting for me to fall apart into it, and be a part of it, like history, which is always there, a watchful eye, the keeper of time.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Night
When there's night and there's nothing to do,
I get up from my sleep and i think of you,
In my silence and in my sorrow,
Alight a fire, of love that is true,
My eyes burn with tears i cannot shed,
My soul crippled from the ache so deep,
When silence speaks around the world,
In my heart, you, i will keep,
I claw my way through this emptiness,
This void where you should be,
So tell me, love, with hollow in me,
Broken i am, can you see?
My eyes now dry, the screams quiet,
For i let the agony flow,
Let it reach through my whole being,
Let it take me where it'll go,
My arms so empty, my soul shattered,
This o'erwhelming hurt tear through me,
I beg you, love, come take my life,
I beg you, set me free
I get up from my sleep and i think of you,
In my silence and in my sorrow,
Alight a fire, of love that is true,
My eyes burn with tears i cannot shed,
My soul crippled from the ache so deep,
When silence speaks around the world,
In my heart, you, i will keep,
I claw my way through this emptiness,
This void where you should be,
So tell me, love, with hollow in me,
Broken i am, can you see?
My eyes now dry, the screams quiet,
For i let the agony flow,
Let it reach through my whole being,
Let it take me where it'll go,
My arms so empty, my soul shattered,
This o'erwhelming hurt tear through me,
I beg you, love, come take my life,
I beg you, set me free
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Fading Away...
I sit in the silence of my own crowded self,
And listen to the symphony of my heart,
Hear it sing its own sad tale,
Love, it says, it's time to depart,
Come listen to me, listen to my soul,
Among the beautiful notes, and carrying highs,
I wish you could listen, just that much close,
For then, you'll hear, my lone heart's sighs,
But that is the beauty, and it shall hide hence,
Shrouded within the flowers, I take refuge, mine,
Come, here I lie, open, bare,
Among the glittering dew drops, my tears shine,
But there has been time, when I have lived,
Floating in your arms, dying in your embrace,
Such delightfully surprising, this magical rebirth,
And mesmerizing love, on your face,
Remember I still do, thy sigh, thy smile,
My love, nothing of you can I forget,
This wind speaks of you, sky rain your name,
I yearn to live again, the day we met,
It feels so hard, it's time to go,
And perhaps never again, shall I see you,
But I have faith, may not others know,
'tis you, who feels, that, which is true
And listen to the symphony of my heart,
Hear it sing its own sad tale,
Love, it says, it's time to depart,
Come listen to me, listen to my soul,
Among the beautiful notes, and carrying highs,
I wish you could listen, just that much close,
For then, you'll hear, my lone heart's sighs,
But that is the beauty, and it shall hide hence,
Shrouded within the flowers, I take refuge, mine,
Come, here I lie, open, bare,
Among the glittering dew drops, my tears shine,
But there has been time, when I have lived,
Floating in your arms, dying in your embrace,
Such delightfully surprising, this magical rebirth,
And mesmerizing love, on your face,
Remember I still do, thy sigh, thy smile,
My love, nothing of you can I forget,
This wind speaks of you, sky rain your name,
I yearn to live again, the day we met,
It feels so hard, it's time to go,
And perhaps never again, shall I see you,
But I have faith, may not others know,
'tis you, who feels, that, which is true
Come...
Jeer at me, yes, tread on my self,
For I am just an age-old toy, on a dusty shelf,
For how long shall ye marre my face, like so?
There is no more, just the toss before the throw,
I close my ears, try to shut you away,
And yet again I succumb, again my feet sway,
How deeper can I go, beyond this abyss?
Someone once joked, there is a bliss...
Come trample me hard, come please yourself,
I am no human, a meager fairy elf,
So try it now, come break me in two,
For you won't ever know, that I love you...
For I am just an age-old toy, on a dusty shelf,
For how long shall ye marre my face, like so?
There is no more, just the toss before the throw,
I close my ears, try to shut you away,
And yet again I succumb, again my feet sway,
How deeper can I go, beyond this abyss?
Someone once joked, there is a bliss...
Come trample me hard, come please yourself,
I am no human, a meager fairy elf,
So try it now, come break me in two,
For you won't ever know, that I love you...
Waiting for One
Ecstasy and joy, happiness around,
Smiles and laughter, is what, me, surround,
Yet something's amiss, I can feel it in me,
In all this love, why don't I feel free?
And then I realize, where lay the cause,
For a second, the hurt made me pause,
I step out of my house, to breathe the fresh air,
To shake it off, escape from despair,
And I hear you saying, why are you so blue?
Why not be happy, so many are waiting for you,
And I laugh silently, your belief so strong,
You know, I love it, when you always get it wrong,
So many waiting for me, and yet I so blue,
Dint you understand, I was waiting just for one, and that is you
Smiles and laughter, is what, me, surround,
Yet something's amiss, I can feel it in me,
In all this love, why don't I feel free?
And then I realize, where lay the cause,
For a second, the hurt made me pause,
I step out of my house, to breathe the fresh air,
To shake it off, escape from despair,
And I hear you saying, why are you so blue?
Why not be happy, so many are waiting for you,
And I laugh silently, your belief so strong,
You know, I love it, when you always get it wrong,
So many waiting for me, and yet I so blue,
Dint you understand, I was waiting just for one, and that is you
Sunday, August 3, 2008
To be with You
The warm sun, and the swift breeze, remind me of you
I cannot think back, to a time, when we used to be two,
But what should I do now, for I no longer have you,
Death took thee from me, there was nothing I could do,
Long and hard for thee, have I cried,
Always failed to get you back, whenever I tried,
For heaven would not, give you back to me,
And you and me apart, I cannot bear to see,
So here I come, love, to the plunge, and through,
For all I need, is to be with you
P.S: This poem was written back around 2001, and I have kept it the way it was originally written. Just felt nice coming across something like this in an old diary of mine, thought I'd share it with others. And yeah, I was still a kid at that time, so keep the criticisms a bit light, go easy on me :)
I cannot think back, to a time, when we used to be two,
But what should I do now, for I no longer have you,
Death took thee from me, there was nothing I could do,
Long and hard for thee, have I cried,
Always failed to get you back, whenever I tried,
For heaven would not, give you back to me,
And you and me apart, I cannot bear to see,
So here I come, love, to the plunge, and through,
For all I need, is to be with you
P.S: This poem was written back around 2001, and I have kept it the way it was originally written. Just felt nice coming across something like this in an old diary of mine, thought I'd share it with others. And yeah, I was still a kid at that time, so keep the criticisms a bit light, go easy on me :)
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Jub koi Bulaye (Urdu)
jub koi bulayay tum ko yoon
k pal bhar main ik yaad uthay
tum keh dena koi paas nahi
kya jeenay ki bhi aas nahi?
jub pattay khiltay barish main
jub behti nadyaa sawan main
ik aas uthay ik yaas uthay
tum keh dena kuch paas nahi
par jub akeli khirki main
tum chaand ko dekha karti thi
tub main bhi bus deewana sa
najanay kyun khil parta tha
chahay chaand sai duur sahi
ik aas tou hai, koi paas tou hai
sahil ki bheegi rait pay jub
main nangay paon chalta tha
tub yaad ki andhi pal pal bhar
bus ati thi, tarpati thi
par soch kay main phir say yoon
lub apnay khud see leta tha
k jub kahiin tum mil jao
tou tum ko bus yeh keh doon ga
jub koi bulayay tum ko yoon
k pal bhar main ik yaad uthay
tum keh dena koi paas nahi
kya jeenay ki bhi aas nahi?
Note: It's my first attempt, so please go easy on me :)
Sleeping Life
In the arms of a sleeping life,
My fortune, my love awaits,
Yet bound to the chains of this futile world,
Staring at me, closed gates,
Like a mercenary, ruthless, cold,
This time takes its toll,
Wonder how much more blood life needs,
Already filled is the bowl,
Yet faith there is, my love will endure,
And i will come to her,
Her prints on me, her touch, her feel,
I will not ever let blur,
And i will spin her beautifully,
Into a symphony so pure,
Together we will, dance in the air,
Forever, and much more...
Table for Two
One day, i will steal you,
For time little as it be,
And then we could have our own little world,
Together, and be free,
We'll laugh, we'll dance, we'll talk and prance,
We'll joke and we will play,
For, love, together, this time,
Is our very own precious day,
And when you'll be calm, serene, beautiful,
I will cook for you,
In shimmering silver twilight,
Will set a table for two...
Little Angel
He felt himself being dragged down from the weight inside; he shuddered as his knees gave way and he buckled into a kneel. His ever-glorious wings lay lifeless around him like tattered rags, a victim of the plague coursing through him. The air around him grew cold and the weight only seemed to build up slowly. Life ebbed away from his glowing locks as they began to turn dark and foul.
“What damnation is this, Lord? What do You wish to teach me? I only asked for the knowledge of man and his life… and what is this curse, Lord?”
No answer to his plea, no light from above as the weight continued to breed inside, and the pain throbbed palpably in his chest. It seemed to stem from his heart and shoot into the very tip of his limbs, decaying, eating at him. His eyes turned dull as colors withered in front of his gaze. The hurt had started to creep up his shoulders and to the back of his head; he felt his skull being crushed under immense pressure as he hid his face in his palms and whispered,
“Oh Lord, oh Lord what is this wisdom that You give? What hell is this You wish me live, Lord? Have mercy upon me…”
No answer. Not a sign from Him in all this… this madness… this torment…
He felt the pain marring his face, and then, his eyes were burning. His heart felt heavy as a cold dead stone… and slowly two shreds of his torn soul, two drops, two glittering pearls fell from his scorched eyes, then slowly the pain began to abate.
“What is this, Lord? What is this? I call out to You, for the sake of Thy love for me, reveal to me what this is…”
A low rumble, tremor across the ground beneath his feet, and then descend the divine voice from the heavens.
“You, ask for the knowledge of man and his life, do you not, little angel?”
“Yes, yes I did… but what is this curse that has left my soul trembling and scarred?”
“This, child, is a test that We give to those We put in flesh… this, little one, is sorrow… and tears…”
A note to the readers: please take it as a piece of writing, not as something sacrilegious. Neither was it meant to portray anyone's belief nor is it trying to change the same. Read on, enjoy, and stay firm on what you believe.
Think
Think…
Little playthings of dust and clay, soul breathed within, tiny animated figures in God's own world... One may wonder if we are here for a reason or just to cater every whim of He who created us... But then again, is it not what our own crooked laws chant? The creator and created, bound in a contract, forever time that may come? One to be the puppeteer, other the stringed ragdoll?
Are we here for a reason? Has God actually written a destiny for us? To fulfill a certain unknown task? Or are we merely the figment of his divine imagination? Or is it such, that he lives through us? Giving each of us a part of Him? Is it so that all the souls combined together are God himself in all glory? And above all... Does he walk among us? Disguised in a more humane, perceptible form?
Or is he the wind that blows through my hair? The rain that falls on dry earth? Or the dust that gives birth to new life? Is God this whole universe and we little shreds of him? Is he the sound of a baby's laugh as she stares in amazement at the world around? Or is he colours of the rainbow after the shower? Is he the peace I feel while I sleep? Or is he the joy that I feel when I lay eyes on my son?
Last night I sat in front of a lone tree in a garden, and watched it standing isolated yet firm in all the emptiness around it; and I wondered, is God like that? The night breeze rustled its leaves, and then again it came to me, are we like the leaves on the tree, and God being who we hold on to? Different leaves, on separate branches, coming together as the wind pushes them close for a moment, introducing them to the touch, the feel; and some drift apart later, others stay, on branches folded close by the gust of a passing by whisper of unspoken words...
And then, where does it lead us to? Is the whole world a delusion? Created by my own mind? Am I God, looking at the world through the eyes of a human? Or is it all just fake? The touch I feel, the air I breathe, sound I hear? Is it just an illusion? What if I am just a sigh in the air, unheard? In my own world? Where everything is just a pretence...? Rash as it may sound, could it be that even God is my imagination, my own creation? To justify things that I imagine and yet not comprehend? Is fate not just another justification for things we do not understand? Like why a woman is blamed for bringing misfortune upon a man who cannot even treat himself with respect, let alone others? Why is it that we be unfair to those who cannot stand up for themselves against a whole crowd or society, and then name it a norm?
Fate is such a simple way, an illusion, to turn away from the loss one suffers in life; to blame the misfortunes and injustice inflicted upon people, yet it coming from those not unlike we ourselves. Why is it that the mistakes and cruelty of man be blamed upon fate, an entity that cannot justify itself? Or perhaps that is exactly the reason fate is conjured, to cater the misgivings of man weak against temptation?
Is God love? That which tugs me forward by my heart? Why do we not understand love, and if we do, why does it spring up in the most unexpected of places and times? Why does a man love a woman strange to her? And to an extent as to forget who he is? Why do people break the boundaries, the norms, to reach out to someone? Is it time that we reconsider our own laws? Or does this happen because God makes a soul, puts it into two bodies and them pushes them apart on earth, to watch how they slowly crawl towards each other? Wouldn't that make God unfair, cruel? But then again, is there anyone who can question His divine will and power? His greatness and affection?
Note: Once again, just a piece of writing, questions that do come to the mind at times, and even so, it helps to think about things, makes you clearer about what you want, what you need, and what you believe. Comments and suggestions are most welcome.
What is it That You Do?
What is it that you do?
How deep do you touch?
I feel naked around you...
Does it show so much?
Make me breathe,
Come take me whole,
Breathe into me,
Into my soul...
Your fingers weave magic,
Your kiss so light,
Every time I wish,
In your arms, die I might,
God there is, believe I do now,
Love flows from your lips to mine,
The only doubt that I have now,
Whoever said man is not divine?
You make me believe I can fly,
Woman, you kiss away my pain,
I know you'll stand by me forever,
In scorching sunlight, in the cool rain...
Could not see, how I could say,
I came, I felt, and now I belong,
Once I thought I’d shatter into pieces,
Now your warmth just makes me strong,
On it goes,
Like words untold,
Surprisingly beautiful,
Let life unfold...
I know not now, how to thank god,
Kneel in front of you, and say what?
Was I just lucky, or destiny take hold?
Or with virtue, this fortune begot?
Feeble I am, man weak as is,
Wish to you, I say this,
Come into my arms, when you feel scared,
Come into my arms, when you feel amiss,
Should you feel sad,
Or just me that you miss,
Come into my arms, my soul, my heart,
Come into my arms, it's our very own bliss...
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